Everyone, at one time or another, has experienced that feeling of being alone. Sometimes it is simply being by yourself for a season, and sometimes it is something much deeper. There is a difference between being alone and feeling alone. You can be surrounded by people and still feel completely isolated inside.
Loneliness often becomes especially strong when we are going through some type of transition. Life changes can leave us wondering where we fit and who is still there for us. Retirement can change our daily routines and remove many of the relationships we once had. Health changes can limit where we go and what we are able to do. Moving to a new community can separate us from friends, family, and familiar surroundings. Especially the loss of a spouse, a close friend, or a longtime church family can leave a tremendous emptiness in our lives.
But I have found that for many people, one of the deepest sources of loneliness comes from broken relationships, especially broken family relationships.
There is something especially painful about being separated from someone you love. We expect family to be there. We expect them to understand us, support us, and walk with us through difficult seasons. When that relationship becomes strained or disappears altogether, the loneliness can be overwhelming.
If that is where you are today, I want you to know something very important: You may feel alone, but you are not alone.
The Word of God repeatedly assures us that solitude does not mean abandonment. People may leave. Circumstances may change. Relationships may be broken. But God has not changed, and He has not walked away from you.
One of the most comforting promises in Scripture is found in Deuteronomy 31:6 where the writer declares, Be strong and of good courage, do not fear nor be afraid of them; for the LORD your God, He is the One who goes with you. He will not leave you nor forsake you. Think about those words: He will not leave you nor forsake you.
That is not simply a promise for the good days. It is a promise for the difficult days. It is a promise when the house seems too quiet. It is a promise when your phone does not ring. It is a promise when you look around and realize that someone you once depended on is no longer part of your life. God says, “I am still here.”
People can make promises and break them. People can say they will always be there and then, for one reason or another, walk away. But God’s promise is different. He is faithful.
Jesus reinforced this promise in Matthew 28:20 when He said, I am with you always, even to the end of the age. Notice the word always. Not just when you feel His presence. Not just when life is going well. Not just when you are surrounded by friends. Always.
Jesus also said in John 14:18, I will not leave you orphans; I will come to you. What a beautiful promise. Jesus knew His followers would experience moments when they felt alone. He knew there would be times when they would wonder what was happening and where He was. So He reassured them that they would not be abandoned. And that same promise is available to us today. God Understands When You Feel Lonely
Sometimes we think that because we are Christians, we should never feel lonely. We may even feel guilty because we are struggling with loneliness. But the Bible does not tell us to pretend that loneliness does not exist. The Psalms are filled with people crying out to God in the middle of their loneliness, fear, and pain.
The psalmist declares in Psalm 25:16-17, Turn Yourself to me, and have mercy on me, for I am desolate and afflicted. The troubles of my heart have enlarged; bring me out of my distresses! The psalmist was not pretending everything was fine. He was hurting, and he told God about it. I believe there is an important lesson here. You do not have to hide your loneliness from God. You can tell Him exactly how you feel. You can cry out, “Lord, I miss my loved one, I don’t understand why this is happening, I feel forgotten, I don’t know where I belong anymore, I’m tired of being alone.”
God already knows what is in your heart. He is not offended by your honesty. In fact, bringing our pain to Him is part of learning to trust Him. This is how the psalmist declares it in Psalm 34:18, The LORD is near to those who have a broken heart, and saves such as have a contrite spirit. Notice that God does not move away from the brokenhearted. He moves near.
When your heart is hurting, God is not standing at a distance saying, “Get yourself together.” He draws near to you. Even in the Valley, He Is With You One of the most familiar passages in Scripture is Psalm 23. David writes, Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil; for You are with me. David did not say he would never walk through the valley. He said that when he walked through the valley, God would be with him. Yes, there will be valleys in life. There will be seasons when people we love are not around. There will be moments when we don’t understand why certain relationships have changed. But the valley does not mean God has left you.
Sometimes we make the mistake of measuring God’s presence by our circumstances. If everything is going well, we think God must be close. If everything is falling apart, we wonder where He went. But God’s presence is not determined by our circumstances. God is with you in the valley just as surely as He is with you on the mountaintop.
Romans 8:38-39 reminds us that nothing in all creation can separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord. Nothing. Not distance. Not disappointment. Not rejection. Not loneliness. Not a broken relationship. Not a difficult season. Nothing can separate you from God’s love.
But there is another important truth we need to understand. Knowing that God is with us does not mean we are supposed to live completely isolated from other people. God created us for relationships. In Genesis 2:18, God said, It is not good that man should be alone. From the very beginning, God recognized that we need one another. We find in Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 that, Two are better than one… For if they fall, one will lift up his companion.
That is why the New Testament contains so many “one another” commands. Things like love, encourage, pray for, bear one another’s burdens, forgive, serve, comfort. We need others in our life. God never intended the Christian life to be lived in complete isolation.
If you are lonely, don’t simply accept loneliness as your permanent condition. Ask God to help you find people with whom you can build healthy, Christ-centered relationships. This may mean you become proactive. Reaching out to someone at church, calling an old friend, volunteering, or even being willing to make a new friend. Sometimes we pray, “Lord, send someone into my life,” while God may be saying, “I want you to take the first step.”
Many times you may think you are alone, but that simply isn’t true. One of my favorite examples is Elijah. After a great victory, he became discouraged and afraid, reaching a point where he believed he was the only faithful person left. He told God, “I alone am left.”
But Elijah’s perception wasn’t reality. God reminded him that He had preserved thousands of faithful people. Elijah felt alone, but he wasn’t.
There’s an important lesson here. What we feel is real, but our feelings don’t always tell us what is true. We may feel forgotten or abandoned, but God may be doing far more than we can see. And that is an important lesson for all of us.
I am not discounting your feelings, but your feelings are not always telling you the whole story. You may feel forgotten, but God has not forgotten you. You may feel abandoned, but God has not abandoned you. You may feel that nobody cares, but God cares deeply about you. You may feel like there is nobody left, but God can bring new people into your life.
The apostle Paul experienced this kind of loneliness as well. In 2 Timothy 4:16, Paul wrote that when he first defended himself, no one stood with him. Everyone had forsaken him. Imagine that. Paul, the great apostle, found himself standing alone. But then he said something powerful in verse 17, But the Lord stood with me and strengthened me.
People may not always stand with you. But the Lord will. There may be seasons when people disappoint us. There may be relationships that cannot be repaired. There may be people we wish were still in our lives.
We should pray for restoration when restoration is possible. We should forgive when we have been hurt. We should do our part to make peace when we can. But the truth is, sometimes, despite our best efforts, a relationship remains broken. When that happens, we have to place that person and that relationship in God’s hands. You cannot force someone to love you. You cannot force someone to forgive you. You cannot force someone to communicate with you. You cannot force someone to stay. But you can choose to keep your heart open to God. And you can choose not to let someone else’s decision determine your future.
If you are walking through a lonely season today, I want to encourage you to change the way you speak to yourself. Instead of saying, “I am all alone,” begin saying, “I may feel alone right now, but I am not abandoned, but God is with me. This season will not last forever. God still has a purpose for my life. God is bringing the right people into my life.”
Loneliness may be part of your story, but it does not have to be the end of your story. God is still writing your story. There are people you have not met yet. There are conversations you have not had yet. There are friendships you have not developed yet. There are things God still wants to do through your life.
So don’t allow loneliness to convince you that your usefulness is over or that your best days are behind you. Paul was alone in a prison, but God still used him. Elijah was discouraged in the wilderness, but God still had a plan for him. David experienced lonely valleys, but God remained his Shepherd. And if you are a child of God, He is still your Shepherd, too. You may feel all alone, but you are not. The God who walked with David walks with you. The God who strengthened Paul will strengthen you. The God who met Elijah in his loneliness will meet you in yours. And the Jesus who promised, “I am with you always,” has not changed His mind.
You are not forgotten. You are not abandoned. You are not without hope. God is with you today. And sometimes, that is the first truth we need to remember before we take the next step.
Reflection Questions
- What circumstances in your life have contributed most to feelings of loneliness?
- Which promise of God’s presence in this chapter speaks most directly to your heart, and why?
- Are there any relationships you need to place into God’s hands instead of continuing to carry the pain yourself?
- Who is one person God may be encouraging you to reach out to rather than waiting for them to reach out to you?
- When you feel alone, what Scripture or truth can you remind yourself of to help you focus on God’s presence?
Two Things You Can Do This Week
- Reach Out to Someone First. Don’t wait for someone to call you. Choose one person this week and call, text, or invite them to have coffee or lunch. It doesn’t have to be a deep conversation. Sometimes simply reconnecting with someone can begin to break the cycle of loneliness.
- Get Around Other Believers. Make a deliberate effort to be around people this week. Attend church, join a Bible study, volunteer, or spend time with someone from your church family. Don’t sit at home waiting for loneliness to disappear. Take one step toward community. God often works through people to bring encouragement, friendship, and strength into our lives.